Between the lines

H: “I had to do the hardest thing anybody ever had to do……wait.”

My fingers try to find the keys in the dark amidst the snores, when I am lost in the two examples. I remember sitting in a filthy train with her across from me, not speaking a word and allowing me to blatantly admit my misery. She didn’t try and I can never thank her enough but now I envy her misery. Now I feel like a loser and have told her the same a thousand times only for her to calmly deny my reasons. We don’t talk that often anymore, it’s beyond our control. We often cry together though and it’s our new normal. I hate that our reasons aren’t the same.

It’s so logical/necessary to choose one over the other but we always crave for either the lost option or imagine an esoteric arrangement. “Option A is not available, let’s kick the shit out of option B”, the lady said during the commencement speech and like a kid incapable of letting go of a ridiculous wish I only pretended to have understood. To be fair, I actually did understand. However, I am so incapable of learning from it or putting it to practice that I conveniently chose to have not understood it.

Between Halpert and C.K , I fail miserably everyday. Oh no  Selena can’t win!

C.K : “Just soak yourself in the filth, let it eat you alive” ( not the exact words ….but you see the point )