H: “I had to do the hardest thing anybody ever had to do……wait.”
My fingers try to find the keys in the dark amidst the
snores, when I am lost in the two examples. I remember sitting in a filthy train
with her across from me, not speaking a word and allowing me to blatantly admit
my misery. She didn’t try and I can never thank her enough but now I envy her
misery. Now I feel like a loser and have told her the same a thousand times
only for her to calmly deny my reasons. We don’t talk that often anymore, it’s
beyond our control. We often cry together though and it’s our new normal. I
hate that our reasons aren’t the same.
It’s so logical/necessary to choose one over the other but
we always crave for either the lost option or imagine an esoteric arrangement. “Option
A is not available, let’s kick the shit out of option B”, the lady said during
the commencement speech and like a kid incapable of letting go of a ridiculous wish
I only pretended to have understood. To be fair, I actually did understand.
However, I am so incapable of learning from it or putting it to practice that I
conveniently chose to have not understood it.
Between Halpert and C.K , I fail miserably everyday. Oh no
Selena can’t win!
C.K : “Just soak yourself in the filth, let it eat you alive”
( not the exact words ….but you see the point )
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