He slid his chair hard towards the wall and walked past from behind me. I knew this is the limit and didn't pretend to understand what was going on. I let it be and he came back after 10 min to sit next to me and we sat through a peculiarly boring class. The schedules in some cases and no-schedule in others, have taken weird routes through the dynamics. Its wearing for some and others give up easily to whims of the mood.
Its amazing how we all have come to realize our roles in this deranged set up.This afternoon, I stumbled upon some news and gave it the power. I slid the chair hard against the wall, packed my stuff and marched out. Nothing around me flinched. Its not about not caring anymore but letting it be. As we all drove to dinner awkwardly with disproportionate amounts of silence and talk, we knew this is the new normal.
The importance not trying to figure out is weighing in everywhere positively, The new lows make previous lows seem a missed high. "I am happy for you" now seems the most overused hollow statement. Yet there is a sense of momentary lightness to it. Its so bleak that it is usually easily missed. One can trace it in the knocks and when answered, you let them in.
Living through this will seem hilarious in the retrospect but while we are here it's special. The apologies and confessions, the awkward yes and the unsaid no, the offers and the missed explanations, the sliding of the chairs are all defining new limits. I just deferred a conversation to never and defined a new open orbit. I just held my words and smiled instead. Let it work until it won't.
Its amazing how we all have come to realize our roles in this deranged set up.This afternoon, I stumbled upon some news and gave it the power. I slid the chair hard against the wall, packed my stuff and marched out. Nothing around me flinched. Its not about not caring anymore but letting it be. As we all drove to dinner awkwardly with disproportionate amounts of silence and talk, we knew this is the new normal.
The importance not trying to figure out is weighing in everywhere positively, The new lows make previous lows seem a missed high. "I am happy for you" now seems the most overused hollow statement. Yet there is a sense of momentary lightness to it. Its so bleak that it is usually easily missed. One can trace it in the knocks and when answered, you let them in.
Living through this will seem hilarious in the retrospect but while we are here it's special. The apologies and confessions, the awkward yes and the unsaid no, the offers and the missed explanations, the sliding of the chairs are all defining new limits. I just deferred a conversation to never and defined a new open orbit. I just held my words and smiled instead. Let it work until it won't.
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