Onion sort

Holding an Indian version of pita bread bites, I noticed the cottage cheese had turned a little less softer in the five minutes I took to get to that piecemeal, the last bite of the meal. I contemplated reheating those five pieces and wondered about the specificity of human desires- the right temperature, the perfect seasoning, the heat in the dish, the heat outside, the cold outside, the right sunshine, the right amount of stars, the breeze so fresh, the love so tender, the love so hard, the love so wrong, the love so strong, the one so close, the one so far.

That very day it all happened. The much-needed-to-be-forgotten drama settled in the deepest of the surfaces in my heart. It stayed calm but it was there. It warned me it could resurface. It wasn't overthrown by the trained confidence or the new found acceptance, it proudly negotiated the terms it pleased and chose to drive from the backseat. It knew what its doing. The smugness growing only to drive the rest and itself into an abyss.

Amidst this, I was extrapolating a mere suggestion into a story and lying to myself, I added all the flavor and the garnish to please. I lived few years ahead in five minutes that followed and rejected that future. I contrasted it with five years of the past and smirked. I weighted everything against perfection without giving imperfection a beautiful chance to prove me wrong.

This is what we've become, We've become the annoyance we can't handle, the discomfort we cause and reject all that is happening. The joke is on us however. We reject every possibility of the possible and demand chance to finally play out. We don't even want to give 'fluke' a chance. It has to be all fabricated and then surprise us? What it didn't rain when you wanted it to? How dare you (nature)! Granted that wish but its 'kinda' not what you specifically wanted and it should be ctrl-z-ed? Of course!

The settlement should be nullified, the love should be glorified, the green should be amplified and the happiness testified? I can't wait to lose!

Absolute

As soon as she could fathom the good news buried six feet under the brevity of the text, Claire rushed to rest her demons waging against the happiness. She knelt down in front of Him, hands folded , tears in her eyes and begged for forgiveness. It unreasonably yet instantly occurred to her that she needed to give up something secretly important to be granted this new wish. She gave up on a fading dream close to her heart.

The roads were flooded. The rains knocked her window in an attempt to touch her. It was a gloomy dark morning. Several calls followed and the power of perceived slight relationships amazed her yet again. Her happiness confused her and she broke into tears, happiness and anxiety shifting their weights among themselves. To be happy for others was something new to her. The dramatic emphasis added by the weather provoked her to empathize for the first time. She felt an instant gush of shame and guilt knock her down. Among the firsts, she realized she badly wanted to be there for her friend.

When distance is chosen, one cannot be surprised at the compromises that follow. The next two days were tense around the subject and she prayed to the gods and demons alike. It gifted her a sense of belongingness.

Finally, on the third day she heard from Zara. The news wasn't negative and they rejoiced over the 'not bad'. The signals couldn't transmit the relief but helplessness reached each other in abundance.

"Hard is not relative, it is absolute." This scraped her mind.

If you didn't speak, how can it be heard? If you didn't show, how can I care? If you don't want, how can I let myself in? She thought to herself, if its not shared, its heavier and unfair.

The liquids, the flesh, the skin, feed them all you want. The covers, the face, show them off all you want. The stack, the height,lose them all you have. While at it, touch a shoulder and borrow a tear but above all let it happen.