Just to watch

The wheels pushed closer
brightness more closer
The hand small on your surface
the wind in my face
Knees bent on the floor
smiling more and more
The word, that word, the promise
the same time in blue

Twisted waist,
warm foam
stand close

send me to blues
give me a reason
tease, release, please

I will watch , hands folded
sand burning my feet you won't see
the light in me is fire

Oh it's coming towards me
I know, I see
Close closer please faster

Washed, taken, stronger, taller and home

Underdog emotions

There is a rush in me to shed, shed everything to feel new. While I know it's not the solution, I try with a depleting strength of my belief that it might just work. Sometimes I let it take over and sometimes I win but I know we coexist.

The calm and void around me is disturbing, more disturbing than the irrelevant noise I have been part of. One thing which helps me persist in coherence momentarily is the talk. The talk with her, with him and with the best constants, but its so momentary that I resume my distorted self right after the call. The world around me seemed consuming enough and I made sure of that but in vain.

It makes me wonder about the power of blank. I did have this power in the recent past exactly for a week. It was the underrated time of my life yet significant enough for me to want to go back to it. It had no glories to it, no weights, but yes a sense of being surrounded everywhere. I realize the pressure of being forced to have the sense despite my denial. Now I understand how historically ages have been mapped to reach certain achievable milestones which have now evolved to be false highs and perceived lows.

As I melt at the watch, I wish myself the courage to say what I need to say to seek or give. He has a better vision of the downhill than I, he has the clarity of my impending falls. "Remote" is the most nebulous medium time has ever witnessed and it's so irrespective of the chasm between them and us.
They won't fight you but they want you because you're all they have.

Come around

It's a weird competition out there and everything is relative to something. The social media presence is a fierce battle ground unbiased to the subject-intellectual, personal, impersonal, spiritual, political, sexual, satirical etc. All the personal milestones are now measured publicly and stamped significant or not significant enough. We are living a variation of "It's a jungle out there", only this time the vibe is polite, sophisticated but no less dangerous.

The familiar can play an amazingly refreshing role amidst this chaos. Just a knock on the door, a talk of the recent past, a face from the months that passed by, and a heavy laugh at coming together is all that we need. You never expected the unfamiliar would become familiar over time and that it would create a moment where everybody is just saved by coming together.

While the world celebrates you, you would have the courage to break your guards and share the uneasiness with familiar. You have no reason to be sophisticated, polite and more importantly not-yourself at 11:00 PM over macaroons. This is your window to admitting its not right but just alright.
This space is a circle of comfort. Best-friends ( Besties? Bae?), birthdays, milestones and merits may be overrated most of the times but they who take you back for the mess you are and smile across the table for not having changed is a mini-blessing we forget to appreciate.

Cleanse

She has been there before, but this time she needed it. The moisture reached her back through the cotton shirt and the grass was kind to her, almost as if it knew she needed that. It felt good. She looked at him thankful for the time and air. It brought back everything to them in chronology but none of them dared go beyond the tangible facts. She faced away for few seconds to forget the conversation she had a few hours ago. This time she truly wanted to be thankful, for she knew chance won't play itself unintentionally each time in her favor and there are no free lunches. They lay still there, the water still, reflecting how it should be.

In New York, the liquid was overpowering and the talks with them reminded her how each time it seemed so obvious to others and her but she cut the trail at the fork.

The movie encouraged doubts.

He pushed her to find her way home at midnight, admitting he needed him with himself. And this is what she was exactly afraid of.

The patience was lost, the time needed meaning and the reasons were bleak. He was the only familiar among unfamiliar and it meant relief to her. A relief without cost. She won't get away with it this time, and it proved itself.

Sometimes you hold onto things over a worthless straw, and when it breaks of, it gifts freedom.

A last smile at the buried and a last laugh at the undeserved.