Smart people scare me, they do and when somebody calls me smart, I apologize to the universe on their behalf. While I am most attracted to innocence and at times ignorance, the person/character embodies it to my surprise. I use the word person to emphasize my belief of his/her existence. The exaggeration doesn't seem impossible anymore and I am more drawn to proving/discovering its existence.
Last month an incident broke me physically and mentally for atleast 24 hours and within the span, it rained both figuratively and actually. The rain brought out the worst in me but later I decided to share it to find out if it could sound funny now. It did and the audience enjoyed but none of them realized how it must have felt. I translated their lack of empathizing to not paying attention until one interrupted to share similar circumstances. Both the stories brought to light our stupid selves but at that time we were free of judgement.
Last week, one-closed-she opened up to me in fewest words over dinner. Different routes reached the same fork and I was left wondering if she and I are any different. She put my doubts to rest in two words, "it failed". Hollow laughs followed.
Yesterday, I allowed myself one more chance at being stupid. It compelled me to forget if not forgive. Neither of it happened. Today, it has to be different. Tomorrow must follow and have no memory of today.
When the obvious doesn't happen, when the mind speaks out loud, when one's fall is another's screen, when one's thought is another's laugh, it's much harder to admit, commit and love the un-sortedness.
Before it dies, let it live.
Last month an incident broke me physically and mentally for atleast 24 hours and within the span, it rained both figuratively and actually. The rain brought out the worst in me but later I decided to share it to find out if it could sound funny now. It did and the audience enjoyed but none of them realized how it must have felt. I translated their lack of empathizing to not paying attention until one interrupted to share similar circumstances. Both the stories brought to light our stupid selves but at that time we were free of judgement.
Last week, one-closed-she opened up to me in fewest words over dinner. Different routes reached the same fork and I was left wondering if she and I are any different. She put my doubts to rest in two words, "it failed". Hollow laughs followed.
Yesterday, I allowed myself one more chance at being stupid. It compelled me to forget if not forgive. Neither of it happened. Today, it has to be different. Tomorrow must follow and have no memory of today.
When the obvious doesn't happen, when the mind speaks out loud, when one's fall is another's screen, when one's thought is another's laugh, it's much harder to admit, commit and love the un-sortedness.
Before it dies, let it live.
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